Another down period in my life.
Most impt of all, i really had to thank those people who r always by my side whenever i am down. Seriously, i'm touched. Appreciated them a lot. Despite having test the next day, after a long exhausting day, SO damn late at night. esp accompanying me thru that night til nex morning. time is being make out for me, i know. =) U people know who you are. i love u all.
no appetite these days. 2 meals = 2 days and it's enuff.
situation had changed once again. i'm confused & lost now. guys, u all know my decision before and i told u all that i felt a sense of relieved and freedom. Relieved from being released. relieved from fear. relieved that i dont have to think so much. relieved that i dont have to care anymore. relieved tt i get to lead my life. Most imptly, i'm just like a bird out of a cage which i had ntg to cling on. No worries at all. Jus fly. No fear of getting hurt, no fear of losing anything. & i'm just a jovial bird. But now, i guess i need u guys again. once more. thanks .
Maybe to u, everything seems alright and perfect AGAIN. But all i can say is that, if u had know we well enough, u will know that it's not. well if u dont, i guess i had ntg much to say too. i dont need any queries anymore.it all will be stated here. i know u will not want me to bring this up again and for watever reason, i'm sorry. this is what u had caused me to feel. U said that u didnt told her that u left my ticket for her. what she'd stated in her blog had misinterpreted what u told her. u just want more girls to go so that u can bring me along as well. So that i wont feel awkward over there as majority of the people going r guys. This applies in both situations. Dinner & chalet. If she's reading this, i hope she will tell me the truth. Cuz i doubt it's like tt. Even til now. U can blame me for blogging this, n i'm prepared. Cuz u dont know how much it hurts when i read her post, but in another way. i think it's God's sent. i'm surprised i didnt shed a single tear tt particular friday. All my tears had been used up over this relationship. No matter how much effort i put in, i dont deserve what i get from u. tt's all i can say. Do u have any idea how tired i am in this relationship?
I am so afraid now.. so afraid to get hurt Again. It's nt abt commitment, but abt trust. When i had put in so much n yet i get ntg, n when tt some1 don giv a damn abt u get smtg. mayb it's nature that ppl dont cherish things that they gained easily like i once were? hmm.. retribution?
like what u'd stated in ur blog. ya, it's true that i forgive u, but u cant stop me from thinking abt it. if u arent smtg to me, i wont even give a damn to it.
u waited 1hr plus below my block but i didnt turn up for the dinner ytd. i told u, u will be disappointed cuz i know u wont expect me not to. i hope this incident passes u some msg?
anyway, forgive and being togeher are 2 different issues. i had to think abt it.U wont want me to anyhow make my decision right? cuz i'm givin it a serious thought.
u should know ur qns is still left unanswered?
sorry boy, the fear still lies
Labels: emotional
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